


Ends and Beginnings

by heartsdesire456



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Engagement, M/M, Misunderstandings, but not really, post episode 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 17:04:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8853211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: When Yuuri told Victor he wanted to "end this", Victor's heart was broken.





	

**Author's Note:**

> SO I KNOW WE WERE ALL SCREAMING AFTER THAT "let's end this" NONSENSE SO I DECIDED THIS IS TOTALLY WHAT HE MEANT SO IT'S ALL OKAY!!!
> 
> (More seriously, I'm going to be posting other works soon, I AM working on my next long-ish-fic, but Yuri!!! On Ice is taking my soul lately and I HAD TO DO THIS!)

Sitting in front of Yuuri it took Victor a moment to process what he just said. 

“Let’s end this.”

Victor was very confused. “End what?” he asked with a small frown of confusion, eyebrows crinkled in the middle.

Yuuri looked at his knees. “What we’re doing here, with us. After the free skate tomorrow night… Let’s end this.”

It felt like being doused in ice water and punched in the chest all at once. Victor’s eyes widened and his lips parted for a moment. He stared at Yuuri, who kept his head down resolutely. “Yuuri… I don’t understand,” he said in a small tone.

“It seemed pretty obvious to me,” Yuuri said, still avoiding his eyes. “It makes sense. It was a fun try, and I have enjoyed it, but there’s no use continuing to try and hang on to something that isn’t meant to be.” Victor stared at him blankly and Yuuri glanced up and nodded at himself, and then met Victor’s eyes for just a moment, and it struck Victor painfully that the look in Yuuri’s eyes was the one that said he had made up his mind about something. “Um, I really need to go to sleep. So you should probably say something.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Victor said in a tight tone. He cast his gaze away from Yuuri. “You have a big day tomorrow. You should sleep,” was all he said as he got up and went to his bag to pull out some clothes to sleep in. 

Yuuri shut off the lamp at his side of the beds they had pushed together, leaving Victor alone in the darkness.

~

Victor couldn’t sleep. He had gone to bed facing Yuuri’s back, but sometime in the night, Yuuri had rolled over and was facing him. Yuuri’s right hand, the one bearing a ring that matched the one on Victor’s hand, the one _Yuuri_ gave him only a night before, lay on his bed, across the small gap left between the mattresses with the beds pushed together. Victor kept staring at the shiny gold ring and he couldn’t figure out what had changed. Twenty-four hours ago, Yuuri had taken his hand and slid a ring onto his finger and allowed him to do the same, and three hours ago, Yuuri announced he had changed his mind.

Victor decided that, since he couldn’t sleep, he would go for a walk around the hotel. As long as he was quiet, nobody would care he was roaming the halls. He didn’t bother getting dressed, he just stepped into his sneakers he had brought in case Yuuri wanted to go running together while they were in Barcelona and carefully crept out into the hallway, thinking to grab his phone at the last moment. 

He looked through some of the notifications he had and smiled as he saw the photos that some of the other skaters had posted. He saw several congratulation tweets and texts from those who had found out about his and Yuuri’s engagement, and oh how that stung. He got out of the elevator in the lobby and saw the signs for a lounge area with tea and coffee machines on the mezzanine level and decided to go get some tea. Maybe that would make him sleepy, he thought. 

The tea was cheap bags, but the water was hot and there was nothing to keep him from letting the bag steep until the tea was strong enough to be drinkable, so he fixed a little paper cup of it and went to sit on one of the sofas away from the stairs so nobody would see him as he scrolled through twitter for a while. 

It was only when he found some of the tweets he was tagged in to be stills from tonight, when he was watching Yuuri skate with his ring pressed to his lips and open, pure love in his eyes shining brighter than anything he had ever felt before Yuuri, that he realized this might have been a mistake. He turned his ring with his thumb, swapping his phone to his left hand to continue scrolling, and felt his throat close up every time he saw a picture people had cropped from other people’s Instagrams to show only him and Yuuri. Him and Yuuri holding hands and kissing their rings before Yuuri’s short program today showed every ounce of his devotion to Yuuri in his features and it killed him now. 

Worst of all, however, was when he stopped looking at twitter before it broke his heart and opened his texts, only to _actually_ have his heart shattered when he found he had a text from Yuuko, of all people, with a photo of Hiroko with her hands over her mouth and a blinding smile behind them while Toshiya smiled and leaned his head against his wife’s.

_The triplets texted Minako about you and Yuuri wearing matching rings and when she told them you announced your engagement at dinner last night, they shouted it out at the public viewing, and the Katsuki’s both nearly wept tears of joy. Takeshi may have sniffled a bit, but he would never confess it. Little Minami and the triplets all danced in celebration. Everybody here in Hasetsu is so happy for you and Yuuri! I would have texted him, too, but I don’t want to distract him, but be sure to let him know how happy his family and friends are for you two._

Victor didn’t realize he had started to cry until a voice startled him. “Victor? Why are you up here?” Victor looked up with a start and was surprised to see Chris there.

“Chris? Why are you awake? You have to skate tomorrow,” he said without thinking. 

Chris’s big, green eyes were wide behind his glasses. “Why are you crying?” he asked slowly.

Victor reached up and touched his face, staring blankly at his fingertips when they came away wet. “Victor?” Chris asked, coming to sit on the other end of the couch. He tugged Victor’s feet into his lap and Victor sniffled, leaning his head against the back of the couch, looking back at the photo of Hiroko and Toshiya. They looked so happy it broke his heart, because he was so happy, too. He didn’t understand.

“Did I do something today?” Victor asked slowly. “You were around all day, even if we didn’t speak much. Did I do something I don’t remember? You know how I forget things.” He frowned. “Or maybe I forgot something.”

Chris raised an eyebrow at him. “Why are you crying about something you did or didn’t do today?”

Victor touched his ring, dropping his phone into his lap gently as he held his right hand in his left. He was already so attached to his ring. He didn’t want to think about taking it off ever, nonetheless already. “Yuuri doesn’t want me,” he whispered as a tear streaked down his cheek. Chris gasped slightly and Victor looked up to see surprise on his face. “He- he told me that this isn’t working. That- that after tomorrow’s free skate, he wants to end this.” Victor shook his head, face crumpling. “I don’t know what I did wrong!”

“Oh, Victor,” Chris groaned softly and Victor pulled his knees up to press his face into them. “Victor, I’m sure he didn’t mean that-“

“He said it was fun while it lasted but he doesn’t want to try to hang onto something that isn’t meant to be!” Victor spluttered, gesticulating, only to catch sight of the hand he used and see his ring. He let out a sob and held his hand up. “I did something wrong! Yesterday he gave me a ring and tonight he doesn’t want me anymore!” he cried. “I don’t understand, I don’t know what I did!” 

Chris tutted, sliding closer to put his arms around Victor. Victor let himself be tipped into a hug and he cried into Chris’s shirt. “Victor, he’s a figure skater. We’re all indecisive and anxious messes. He probably just got something into his head since he’s under pressure.”

Victor cried into his shirt. “But what?! I don’t understand, and I hate it! I love him,” he whimpered. He pulled away, looking at Chris in the eyes. “Chris, I _love_ him! I’ve never known what it was to love someone before Yuuri! Not really.” He shook his head, silver locks bouncing across his face. “He’s- he’s _everything_. I can’t live without him anymore! I spent three days apart from him when I had to go home to Makkachin during Rostelcom and it felt like an eternity. Every single day for eight months I’ve spent with Yuuri, and I’ve lived in his home with him and his family and I love them, too!” Victor scrabbled for his phone and woke it up, shoving it at Chris’s face so hard he accidently clattered his glasses with his phone. “That’s his mother and father finding out we’re engaged!” he squeaked, voice too high from the emotion. “They’re so happy! And- and his friends are happy! I want to marry him and spend every day for the rest of my life watching him smile and he _doesn’t want me_!” Victor broke down crying, hands over his face as he sobbed.

“Oh Nikiforov, you’re losing it,” Chris sighed, patting his back as he pulled him into a hug again. “Come on, let it out. There, there.”

“Why doesn’t he love me anymore?” Victor sobbed against his shirt, but Chris just made shushing noises to soothe him. 

~

Victor looked rough on the way to morning early practice, Yuuri thought. He wondered if he was getting sick. His eyes were puffy like he hadn’t slept and he was very quiet. He’d been drinking coffee all morning and he kept his sunglasses on while they were outside and even kept them on when they went inside the rink. He went to go field some waiting press so that Yuuri could get to the locker room to dress and get on the ice before they could waylay him. 

Yuuri got to the locker room, which was set up in rows of lockers with benches between them at this rink, and started changing before he heard anyone else in there with him. It was Phichit’s voice he heard first. “I hope Yuuri slept. I heard someone coming in and out of his room last night in the middle of the night. If he didn’t sleep well he has no hope of medaling.”

Yuuri started to speak up, but another voice replied before he could voice his confusion from the next row over. “Oh it wasn’t Yuuri,” Chris said, surprising Yuuri. How could he know that? “It was Victor wandering around the hotel in the middle of the night. I couldn’t sleep since I took a nap earlier so I went to get some tea from that tea station in the lounge and I found Victor there.

“Oh, that would explain why he looked very un-Victor-like this morning on their way in. Celestino texted me to ask if Yuuri had gotten sick from Victor, who looks like he has a cold.”

Chris scoffed. “I wouldn’t care if he did,” he said harshly, surprising Yuuri. Chris had always been nice to him. He couldn’t imagine Chris wishing illness on him. “He’s lucky I care too much about my own medal to pull a Tonya Harding on him after what he’s done to Victor.”

Yuuri mouthed ‘what?!’ to himself just as Phichit gasped. “What?! What did he do to Victor?” he asked quickly. Yuuri would like to know that as well, so he kept quiet, careful not to make any sounds as he continued to dress slowly.

“Victor wasn’t just unable to sleep, he was sitting there crying his eyes out all night because Yuuri told him he wants to break up,” Chris spat. “The nerve of that guy! I’m a drama queen, and even for me, getting engaged one day and then asking to break up the next is just wrong!”

“BREAK UP?!” Phichit squawked, his voice echoing around the locker room. “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT TELL ME NOW!” he demanded at a screech.

“Yuuri ripped his heart out and stomped on it with his toe pick, that’s what!” Chris said simply. “Victor says he told him there was no reason to try and force something that isn’t meant to be so they should end it after today.” Chris tutted. “Victor was sobbing like a child. He was showing me this photo he was sent of Yuuri’s parents super happy about the engagement and talking about how he loved the Katsuki family and all his friends in Japan and how he didn’t want to give up that life. He was so upset. He just sat there going on about how he must’ve done something wrong and doesn’t know what he did. He wants to marry Yuuri and now Yuuri doesn’t want to even be with him.”

Yuuri’s chest clenched and he put his hands to his chest. He was so confused. He didn’t understand at all what he was hearing.

Phichit groaned. “I don’t know what’s going on with Yuuri. He lost it. He had to. He went mental. I’m positive of it. There’s no reason on earth for him to want to break up with Victor!”

Chris scoffed. “Unless he decided his childhood hero wasn’t all that great for more than a fuck to say he slept with a star and never actually loved Victor.”

Yuuri couldn’t help himself. Even though he only had one skate on, he slammed the locker door shut and hobbled around the row of lockers and right up to Chris. “Don’t you dare suggest I would ever do that to Victor,” he said, eyes narrowed in anger. “Funny coming from you anyways, Mr. Erotica On Ice! Sounds more like something _you_ would do!”

Chris leaned down, eyes level with Yuuri’s. “I only flirt around because it’s funny and I like being sexy. I’m married,” he said bluntly. “Have been for two years.” Yuuri flushed with rage as Chris got in his face. “And you’re the one who broke my friend’s heart.”

“Yuuri,” Phichit said in a smaller tone, and Yuuri looked over at him. “Why would you break up with Victor?” he asked weakly. 

“I didn’t!” Yuuri spluttered. “I told him I’m retiring!” he stressed. “After tonight, I’m giving up. I thought I could keep going after the Grand Prix Final, but I’ve realized I’m just not good enough. All of you, you’re all better than me. The younger kids in Japan, they’re all better than I was at their age. They’ll all be better than me soon. I’m not going to get better than I am now, and Victor helped me become the best skater I can possibly be, and I just don’t have anywhere to go beyond this.” He shook his head. “I don’t know why he thinks I want to break up with him! I was telling him that this is my last competitive skate.”

Chris stared at him in shock. “You’re retiring?” he asked bluntly. “You’re younger than me!”

Yuuri sighed, ducking his head. “I’m also not as good as you,” he said softly. “This is the best I will ever be and I want to retire on a high note. I have never been mentally capable of being a competitive skater, and I don’t have the natural talent Phichit, JJ, and Yurio have. I’m this good because I had nothing better to do all my life. There was never anything in my life beyond figure skating. I love my family, but I have never had much in common with them besides that. Phichit is the only friend I’ve had since childhood and we only became friends because we were roommates,” Yuuri said simply. “I wasn’t even good at college. All I’ve ever done is train because I had time, energy, and nothing to distract me. The only reason I’m this good is because of that emptiness in my life. 

Yuuri took a breath, hands clenched at his side. “Victor has made me the best skater I can be, but he has also given me something else besides skating. I’m closer to my family than I have been in years. I’m closer with my friends. I have _him_ ,” he said firmly, looking at Chris. “I’m retiring because I’m as good as I can get, which isn’t good enough to beat you guys for long, and I have more in my life than just skating now. I’m going to get retire and get married and learn what it’s like to live beyond figure skating.”

Chris blinked, and looked over at Phichit, who had his hands to his mouth and a sappy look in his eyes. “Yuuri… not to be the bearer of bad news, but Victor really thinks you want to break up,” Chris reminded him. “You should probably find him and clarify before he skips out after tonight’s skate to go get his dog before you can get back to Japan and then disappear off to Russia to become a drunk,” he said frankly. “He was in that sort of downward spiral last night when he thought ‘let’s end this’ meant breaking up with him.”

Yuuri bit his lip and nodded. “I’m getting that feeling.” He turned and hobbled back to put on his other skate. He had to get out for practice now. He could talk to Victor later.

~

It was hard to put on a happy face all day when inside Victor was dying. He avoided Yuuri as best he could in a personal sense. He kept it formal and gave him his ‘serious coach’ persona all day. He could tell Yuuri wanted to talk to him about something, but Victor needed Yuuri to be in the proper headspace. If they got into a fight, it would ruin all they had worked for. Yuuri was twenty points behind Yurio, and even if he skated perfectly, Yurio had to mess up for him to catch up to him and win the gold medal. He needed to help Yuuri pull out a miracle.

Yuuri kept trying to talk to him all day, but he found an excuse to brush him off or focus him somewhere else. However, when it came his time to take the ice, Yuuri grabbed Victor’s shoulders firmly, staring him in the face. “Victor, listen to me,” he said firmly. Victor gave in and met his eyes and he was startled to see love in his eyes. It didn’t make sense with what he told him last night. 

It made even less sense when Yuuri’s hands slid from his shoulders up to rest on either side of his neck, Yuuri’s thumbs on his jawbone on either side, stroking his skin tenderly. Yuuri leaned in, pushing their foreheads together. “You won’t let me talk to you any other time, so I’ll say it now. I did not mean that I wanted to break up with you last night, I was telling you I want to retire after tonight even though I asked you to coach me beyond this before.” He looked Victor in the eyes and Victor suddenly realized he had been so very, very wrong.

“Oh,” he breathed, relaxing in a way he hadn’t realized he needed to.

Yuuri smiled as he pulled back a little, brushing a hand through Victor’s hair. “I want to retire so I can begin a new journey as your husband rather than your skater. Win or lose, this is my last skate.” He winked. “So this one is for you, Victor.” He tugged Victor’s hand up to his lips to kiss his ring before pushing away from the barrier to go skate, and Victor couldn’t take his eyes off of him as he skated away. 

Victor smiled brightly as it finally sunk in that Yuuri loved him after all, and they were still going to be married. He would miss coaching Yuuri, but he was confident that right now, win or lose, Yuuri was about to give the best skate of his career.

And when Yuuri came off the ice, Victor planned to kiss him in front of the entire world once again.


End file.
